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Posts Tagged ‘life’

I’m getting ready to turn in, and I find myself struggling against the “Sunday night blues”. You know, that resistance to the weekend being over, knowing the next morning starts the workweek again?

Yes, I’ve had a great weekend, and no I don’t feel like getting up in the morning to go to work. But I didn’t feel like getting up this morning, either. I was able to sleep in a tiny bit, but it was when my son gets up and needed to be taken care of. I love spending time with my son, and adored having the morning together. If I don’t resent having to wake up before I feel like it on Sunday, how does it help to resent it Monday?

And really, how does it help to resent any present moment one finds oneself in? I’m generally pretty good about enjoying each day as best I can rather than “living for the weekend”, so I’m surprised at how much I’d rather have another Sunday tomorrow.

Regardless, Sunday or Monday, I’ll need to get up before I feel like it. So I may as well go relax into restfulness and have some sweet dreams.

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My moment of intentional zen today was while commuting to and from work. I tried to keep from slipping into the autopilot that is common with commuting, for a start. I then tried to slip out of the autopilot that is just part of daily life in general.

I watched the sky as it got brighter, appreciating the colors around me. I admired the trees, and breathed in the sunlight. I felt a deep appreciation for the world and life I enjoy, even if it does involve having to get up in the morning and commute in to work.

This appreciation helped me connect more fully to the start of my day. I figure, to be truly grateful, I need to begin with actively experiencing the gifts I’ve been given. Through this engagement with these gifts of life, I’m feeling more able to share them.

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What is the sound of one tail wagging?

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Trees show how to bow 
Giving offerings to change
One leaf is enough

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Recently, I’ve been working on something I’ve been struggling to adapt to all these years: making decisions. It’s been pointed out to me that my problem isn’t so much making decisions, it’s how much it eats away at me to think of all the options that become closed to me by picking just one.

It’s hard to not think of all those other options as fantastic opportunities, and that it’s an incredible loss to be denied them. But practically speaking, decisions mean picking the best options, and accepting that the others, while potentially great, weren’t the best. They aren’t taken from me. I’m just having to pick the best one and own that choice.

That is TOUGH for me. I want to do EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME!!!!!! And I can’t. And I feel less-than for it. That’s how I blew apart in 2013: it was my test on how well I’d learned that lesson, and I kinda failed. But only kinda, because it was the spectacular failure at that which finally taught me that maybe I’m ready to try learning another way.

It’s so easy to look back on one’s life and feel scattered and disappointed because we want all the options. But we can only do one thing at a time, and can only be a limited number of things in a given day. We need to be able to stand up and own our choices. Not to denigrate or discard the ones we hadn’t taken at a given time, especially since they may come up again and be the right choice at another time.

But to really be engaged with our life path we have to CHOOSE it. As we walk it well, maybe at a future date that path will change shape into something else. Life changes the path we’re walking anyway, and it does it better and more beneficially if we walk our current path with purpose.

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My favorite time of year starts with Halloween, which I consider the first New Year of the season.  I know there’s different cultures’ celebrations of a change-over of their calendar throughout the year, but the time from the end of October through the end of December always feels like a change-over, of sorts, to me.  So I try to remember to recognize every New Year celebration I can.  I adore beginnings and renewals, and New Years holidays feel especially renewing to me.

Now we have December 21, 2012, Winter Solstice and the date widely recognized as the change-over in the Mayan Long Count calendar.  Given that this kind of new year is even rarer than a once in a lifetime celebration, today has felt extra special to me.  It also makes me think about the kinds of resolutions one should make for a calendar-turning event of this magnitude.

It seems to me that this is the sort of event that’s too great for just one day, and the resolutions should be a bit grander than the usual.  So I’m thinking that instead of celebrating just today as a Mayan Long Count New Years’ Day, perhaps I should celebrate the next twelve months as a Mayan Long Count New Years’ Year.  And at the 21st of each month, perhaps take some stock as to what I’m learning in this changing world, and how I should resolve to change even better within it.

Because make no mistake, our world is changing.  I have watched so much of what’s old and worn out in our world fall away just this past year.  And every day, I see more and more green shoots of long-awaited growth and healing coming through.  I never really put any stock in the ideas that today would bring a violent destruction to the world, but that sort of devastation isn’t needed for the old world to pass away.  All it takes is for people to find the better way they’d like to live, and work together to make that new world real.

So I guess that’s my resolution for the Mayan Long Count New Year.  I hereby resolve to seek out that better way I’d like to live.  And over the next twelve months, I’m going to figure how I can help see that New World come to life.

All my love to you and yours,

~ Nyn

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Things I’m thankful for:

  1. Massachusetts has elected their first female senator, Elizabeth Warren
  2. Thanks to Wisconsin, the United States of America has elected our first openly gay senator, Tammy Baldwin, who is also Wisconsin’s first female senator
  3. Maine and Maryland are the first states to affirm by popular vote the right of two people to marry whom they loved, regardless of gender
  4. Minnesota is the first state to reject by popular vote an attempt to deny that right as an amendment to the state constitution
  5. Colorado and Washington are the first states to legalize marijuana with strict regulations, taking us one step closer toward ending the failed War on Drugs and gutting the support pillars of the deadly Mexican cartels
  6. Maryland also upheld a law allowing in-state college tuition for children whose in-state high school attendance and parents’ in-state tax-paying qualifications, even if they weren’t documented immigrants

There’s so much more, to be sure, but these are my top six right now.  I have a very positive and loving view of human nature, and a faith in one another that’s reaffirmed by trends such as these.  The more we’re getting to know the stories of the diverse people around us, the more we’re coming together.

That’s all I have time for, but wanted to share.  Take care!

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I’ve been thinking about writing a whole lot more than I’ve actually found the time for.  You know how crazy things have been lately, with time seeming to speed up while the task list just keeps getting longer.  That’s why I wanted to sit down to let you know how very much you mean to me.  You’re a beautiful, strong person, and I want the very best for you, always.

I know things haven’t always been going the best for you lately, but hopefully things have been looking more up than down.  Yeah, I know there’s things you’d hoped to be doing better on, but I also know you’ve been doing your best, given where you’ve been at.  It may not always feel that way, since you know you can do so much better — I know I can, at any rate.  But the way to get to that better place isn’t to beat yourself up over what you’ve done wrong.  What it takes is remembering what you’ve done right, and work out how to do more of that.

We’re coming into the wrap-up phase of this year, and I know we can use this time to get our goals synched up a little better with our realities.  The trick will be to figure out where we’ve been spinning our wheels and letting ourselves get off track.  It’s not that we need to work harder, it’s that we need to let go of things that are taking our time and energy away from where we really need to focus.  Relax and recuperate, sure, but things that are just fidgeting or, worse, making us fret or fuss, those are what we need to learn to let go of.

Anyway, I’m rambling again.  I just want to make sure you know how very important you are, and how much you’re capable of.  I sincerely believe in you, and I’m here if you need an ear or a shoulder, or even just a cheerleader.  I don’t care if we’ve never even met, you mean a lot to me.  You’re a fellow human being and that makes you family, and I love you, dearly.

So take care, and do something nice for yourself today.  And if you get the chance to make someone smile, give it a shot, so you can share in a little more happiness in this world.  You definitely deserve it.

Much love,

Nyn

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So today marks the first official day of my week-long vacation.  I’m staying in town, so it feels “just like another Saturday”, and I’m wondering whether I’m sufficiently enjoying the day, seeing as it is “First Day of Vacation”.

So I’m taking a moment to breathe.  I’m noticing that this is the first truly sunny day we’ve had in a while.  My son is in a handful-but-joyous mood.  I’m feeling fairly rested.  I just pulled a freshly baked loaf of bread out to cool.

Gosh, this is a wonderful day.

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Okay, so if you take a look at how long it’s been since my last post, today’s post carries extra irony.  (See the comments from that post…)

You see, I had planned to follow up the following day with an admission that the de-stressing techniques that I’d learned are great… when I remember to do them.  And I hadn’t been remembering to keep up with self-maintenance and such.  These past few months have been terrible for me to keep up a consistency with… well, almost anything, really!  So near the start of the month I started to assess where I’d been letting things slip and where I’d hoped to get re-engaged, and made some notes on some steps I could take to get things back on track.

And here I am.  Creeping into the last week of the month, with none-too-much of what I’d hoped for actually accomplished.  So what am I going to do about it?

I’m going to apply another lesson I learned in my Summer Chrysalis phase: Be patient with yourself.  Take a look at what derailed you, and make some honest assessments on how you can do better from this point forward.

After all, as a wise man recently said, “Best to keep it all in perspective, otherwise the stress of forgetting to destress just makes us more stressed.”

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