Posts Tagged ‘necessities’

I’ve got some words from Cary Tennis that I just ran into again, from his advice column on Sunday. Someone was asking about whether it was better to stay in a relationship that wasn’t really feeding her personal happiness, but his response is, as usual, very much broader than just the question asked.

I think it’s a great reminder to keep in touch with what, deep down, we truly want and need. And to acknowledge them and work with them without condemnation. It’s not selfish to be happy and cared for. It’s our job, because the world needs us at our best, and nobody else can do for us what we need to do for ourselves.

I think it is legitimate to act according to your deepest and truest necessities, because your deepest and truest necessities do not spring from you and are not controlled by you; they spring from where you exist in the world; they come to you as instructions from the world and are thus not selfish and narrow as you might fear; they are broad and universal and thus poetic and heroic.

They are bigger than any narrowly conceived right-or-wrong principle.

– Cary Tennis, Since You Asked 10/25/09

How to do that, you may ask? Well since I’m actually putting this up onto the blog a good while after I first shared it, I’m going to continue the quote with a really great paragraph:

This framework I suggest says: Trust in the community of things beyond you; be in harmony with your deepest self, because that is the bigger way of truth; it is the bigger way; it may seem full of tragedy and apparent misstep, of apparent moral failing; it may bring down upon your head the judgment of others, of family and loved ones and later your own offspring; it may make you seem to be a person of questionable judgment; it may cause you to be an outcast. But if it is true to your destiny in this deep sense — which can only be discovered by relentless self-inquiry and relentless allowing-in of the necessary, by allowing the earth to move you toward the place you belong, by trusting that it’s not just about you and your decision but about where the world requires you to be — then I think in the end there is some justice in whatever decision you might make.

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