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Posts Tagged ‘optimisim’

I’m in the home stretch of my Lent resolution to give up the idea that other people or experiences can be wholly separate from me, and it’s taken some interesting turns. For example, as I mentioned yesterday, when I started to come down with feeling very poorly, it took me a while to realize it was just another way I had to experience being me. It wasn’t really life “screwing things up“, so to speak. It was just something to experience.

Today, I’m still having to take it slow and steady, which is a little frustrating. But I’ve tried to keep my mind focused on what’s important: not dwelling on how poorly I feel, but on pacing myself. Not getting bogged down in all that I want to rush ahead with, but keeping track of what I can best accomplish in a given moment. Not letting my thoughts wander off to things that bother me or even interest me, but staying with my present moment.

I’ve found it to take a fairly dedicated discipline. It’s like practicing meditation, where we have to be patient with ourselves when we catch unwarranted thoughts trouncing in. We acknowledge them, then gently send them on their way, without judging either the thoughts of the fact that we had them. And that’s still a discipline I’m working on.

It’s also a discipline not to take it too far, staying ultra-focused when it’s time to let things get fuzzy and relax, or brainstorm. Fluidity can seem so easy when observing people in the flow of it, yet it can take some very dedicated practice to sense that flow and allow ourselves to be moved within it.

Speaking of, there’s a puppy very politely calling for my attention. I think I’ll allow this post to get on out, and go play with her.

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I continue to be mindful of my expectations, and the general “wavelength” of thoughts and experiences I tend to attune to. I have varying degrees of success for this, and have also had varying levels of “smooth and effortless” versus “difficult and tedious” of experiences as well.

I have noticed that I seem to be going through another time period where things I’m thinking of or songs going through my head tend to pop up for me within a day or so. Coincidences such as these serve as reminders to take care what I let flow through my mind uncorrected, as a practice for seeking a better sort of flow for my external life as well.

And then there’s times like tonight that really point out that there may be more to this practice than simply keeping my positivity up. I needed something opened up, and I asked someone to help me out because I always have a particular kind of trouble that nobody else seems to. They agreed, and then ran into the exact same steps of sticking/difficulty that I do. I joked that maybe that was because it knew it was mine, and we both laughed. Then they turned to their own and had no difficulty whatsoever.

If there’s even a chance that there was a difficulty only because it was ultimately in my path rather than someone else’s, that’s enough to make me stop and think. While I practice opening myself up to possibilities and acknowledging the interconnectedness of our lives within our world, this adds another layer of watching for mental bad habits. It can be tough to catch one’s own “mental fidgeting” such as expecting a particular process to be tedious and glitchy just because it was every other time in the past. But perhaps I can find a way to see my own eyes, as it were.

Of course, perhaps I could imagine there are little flashes of insight about all this, and they’re settling themselves into hiding throughout my upcoming days.  That just might work.

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