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Posts Tagged ‘pain’

StrongEnoughI have recently been diagnosed with a very-reparable issue with my spine.  I was told that with support and treatment it could be fully recovered within 9-12 months, on average.

I wasn’t happy to hear the news, but I wasn’t upset, either.  I’ve had pain that I didn’t realize was from something that could actually be fixed in a year or less. I’ve lived with frequent (or even constant) pain for almost two decades now thanks to hyperacusis, so that was a welcome idea.

The real reason I wasn’t upset though is that I have already struggled with and overcome other health issues.  My hyperacusis has become much better over the past year, and I am no longer very limited by Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. These haven’t gotten better all on their own.  They have only improved as I improved my own confidence in my ability to overcome, and my belief I was strong enough for the journey.

To turn the corner, I had to accept that I was already strong enough to win out against the challenges I faced. I had to recognize that I didn’t need anybody or anything to fix me, because I wasn’t broken. I just happen to have a body that doesn’t work the same as most others, so it’s up to me to master the skills of living within it. I had to find that space within me that held that strength, that wisdom, and let it guide me forward. After many years of riding a roller coaster of upswings and downswings, somehow I finally learned to hold on to that center.

My helper on overcoming this latest challenge also believes that only we can heal ourselves; medicine just helps us in the process. She reminded me of how often people give up hope before overcoming their challenges, and asked if I might write down some things about how I overcame my own. I didn’t think I really had that much to say, because I can’t really think of things to say that I haven’t already read elsewhere.

That said, I do remember being helped by reading of others’ journey, and also that I tend to discount my own road as being pretty day-to-day, as it happens to be the one I’ve spent my days in. So I’m going to shrug at myself, and see if I can’t try to share some things about what I’ve faced, and how I’ve overcome.

I think I’m strong enough for that. 🙂

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Today I’ve been feeling a real appreciation of the power, beauty and adaptability of the human body. For all the troubles I’ve had with mine, I’m so very grateful for the experience of being in it. I’m resolving to not let the pain take even the smallest bit away from the pleasure, which outweighs the former by far.

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It’s been a big week. Though everybody came out of it unscathed, I’ve faced down a few different major issues of pain, illness, death and the seeming capriciousness of it all, and I think I’ve come through the “crash course” (ha ha ha) with passing marks. It was pretty hard on me at times, because these were all instances where I needed to face some deep-seated grief and/or resentment that hadn’t quite gotten out in my prior “life scrubbing”. But I guess my prior work was pretty decent, because without too much heartache, it took only a few tears to wash them away.

So I wanted to share with you a little message I felt in all this, because I think it applies to all of us:

The past is passed, and must be let go if you are to have your future. The world needs not more pain and punishment, but forgiveness and joy. Your purpose now is to release your pain and relieve it, not re-lose and relive it. Let go and take the steps you need to take into the bright and loving future that awaits.

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I sat down with my tea to write a few words about people in our lives, and the memories we share with them, and how important it is we make connections with them from time to time. Then I got all mixed up in all the various emotions that arise on that topic — one of the main ones being guilt. When we move away from people in our lives (physically or emotionally), or even lose them entirely, there’s this guilt that we didn’t do more with what we had, when we had it. As though there was something missing there, and it was our fault for not bringing it. Or that there’s something missing now, and it’s our fault somehow for losing it, or the void’s so great that the pain is too much to fill… to really feel.

I realized that wasn’t where I wanted to go. And then I realized maybe that was the point I wanted to make. There’s never too many reminders to treasure and cherish the people you love, and to let them know they’re cherished and loved — but we know that bit. Maybe what I wanted to say is that we could do more to treasure and cherish the people we just happen to he around.

When the mortal beings we love aren’t around (I’m going to include pets too), there’s always mortal beings around us who need love. I think that by sharing some of that love we have just lying around waiting to be used can be put to good use there, by just smiling at someone you don’t know, maybe letting someone over in traffic or giving sympathy to a complaint at the checkout line. The void for people who are missing can be filled just a little bit by giving a bit of that empty space to the people who are there.

It’s like a little twist on the old song – “If you can’t be with the one you love, honey – love the one you’re with!”

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