Posts Tagged ‘tranquility’

I’m traveling for the second time in as many months, and in another month I’ll be out for another few nights. This time, my toddler is having a harder time with me being away, and it’s reminding me how I’ve gotten used to a particular place of being.

I mean this in more than just physical location. Even with my daily awareness practice of my Zen Year goals, I still have settled into a feeling of being in a routine. Even though it’s not accomplishing more than three quarters of what I’d like it to accomplish, this external routine has infused itself into my expectations, and my sense of place.

The toughest part of traveling has been breaking these patterns, of suspending these feelings of knowing what and “where” to expect. That has also been the most beneficial. It has been snapping me out of the daydream a bit, reminding me of how and where I like to live.

In the past, I wasn’t such a creature of habit. Life was pretty variable, and I flowed right along with it. Then different sets of patterns and samenesses took hold, some of them pretty grinding. I settled in. Somewhere along the way, change ceased being my one constant.

That’s really not such a bad thing, but in the meantime a visceral part of me has started to center my sense of place on the expectations, these patterns, these routines. It has taken these extreme suspensions of routine to shake that part of me up, reminding it of who and where I am. I am a creature of both change and habit, of ambition and restfulness, of expectation and surprise. I am also the product of my thoughts and feelings, which color and shape the world I experience.

There is no “place” I can expect to be, except in the space I carry with me. Whoever I meet, wherever I go, I experience it through the context of that space inside me.

As I remember this, I can take a deep breath in this strange air. I am at peace.

I am home.

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Feeling clear and light.
I think: have I touched the sun,
or has it touched me?

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Quite a draggy day today. Very busy, and yet each thing with which I’m busied seems to be taking two or three times as long to complete as I’d hoped. So the quote on today’s calendar is my own drink of spring water:

You owe it to everyone (including yourself) to find pockets of tranquility in your busy world.
– Georges Bernanos

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